The State of

Dog looking into doorway

Before last week’s Spider-Man: Homecoming review took the Internet by surprise and caused a stir (a STIR, I tell you!) on social media with my sudden return to blogging, I hadn’t written here in about 3 months.  For any strangers out there who don’t know me personally, following my life by way of this blog could’ve left you on a seemingly tragic note a few months ago; I said I wasn’t feeling my best and then disappeared.  Sorry 🙂 .  I’m alive and well.  Mostly.

What I was dealing with at the time is something I may go into with a future post, but boiled down to the heart of the matter — it was anxiety.  The physical manifestations of anxiety, to be more specific.  Dizziness and vertigo, heart thumps, stomach issues.  I’d never been hit so hard with what I’ve dealt with for years, and it took me out of commission on a lot of things.  I had to miss my sweet, dear GF’s birthday lunch with her mom because I wasn’t well enough to drive myself.  I missed about 2 months’ worth of church activities.  The GF, Sydney, and I canceled a mini vacation we’d planned, all because I didn’t feel strong enough to fly and be away from home base.  My doctor checked me out and cleared me of anything obvious within a few weeks of the first event that took me out of my regular life, so I simply had to keep calm and slowly face my issues.  The first time I forced myself to drive down to surprise Sydney, after weeks of only being up for the 10 minute ride to work (and even then, sometimes barely), was a huge victory for me… and something I was very glad to be able to do for the sake of us.  By the way — kudos to the love of my life for being so patient and loving through all of this (and ongoingly).  Aside from the goodness of God, she is my greatest comfort 🙂 .  I’m much better now with all of these issues, and in the end it’s been a good thing as I have grown a lot from it (spiritually, emotionally, relationshipally) and started to pursue some healthy new paths, but that’s not really why I’m writing today.

Over these last few months quite a few things have happened that I would’ve normally written about: I attended my cousin’s wedding in Sacremento, I was prescribed eyeglasses for a mild astigmatism, I went to the San Diego fair and had many other adventures with my cute GF, I started acupuncture, we got a family dog after 9 years of being without.  That’s on top of the other miscellaneous events and ideas I’d usually share.  But in my attempts to be calm, I found that sharing these things in blog form had little more than a notion-appeal to me.  It was something that’d be nice, conceptually, but I just didn’t want to bother taking the time to actually do so.  I still chat with my friends, I share on my personal Facepage… when these issues cropped up so suddenly and strongly I became a blog and social hermit, but as they’ve subsided I have only wanted to return to my social life, not my blogging one.

There is also the sticky issue of Out of the Box.  I adore peering in on that little guy’s weekly exploits, I really do — I have no doubt that I’m the comic’s biggest fan, but even if I had felt like sharing a random blog post here and there, having “returned” to my site would then put a self-induced pressure on myself to start back up with the weekly comic again, as well.  Nobody was knocking down the proverbial door to get it to return to publication.  During this downtime a friend expressed sadness at the lack of Boxness, and when I broke my silence and posted last week’s review, I received some warm notes of appreciation for having written again… but ultimately, I look at the time it takes me to write and draw and I just can’t bring myself to do it more.

So, where does that leave us?  I’m still keeping this site, I’ll still write, Out of the Box will continue on (I mean, we have to get him out of there at some point, don’t we??), but ya know what I’m going to be spending most of my time doing?

Living my life.

Documenting my life can be fun, I enjoy provoking thought and entertaining with my posts, and it’s interesting to have a long written history of my growth and experiences, but after enjoying these 3 months of blogging freedom, I have no real interest in tying myself down by the tethers of consistent writing here for now.  Perhaps in the future I will be more prolific, but for now I am far more keen on experiencing my life and spending free time growing my artistic skills, smoochin’ my GF, relaxing, studying the Bible, or puttering around the house getting things done.  Out of the Box has not ceased, but it will now follow the same whims as any other blog post here — it will happen randomly and whenever I happen to feel like it.

I can’t say when I’ll write again.  It could be tomorrow or in a month.  I may post two comics in a week.  I might see a new movie I really love, but never get around to writing a review of it here.  If you’re entirely invested in my personal life, find me on Facebook and add me — so long as you’re not an obviously fake profile, I add anyone.  Send me a message and say Hi.  I’ll probably respond pretty quickly…

unless I’m busy enjoying my life 🙂 .


About Mark Mushakian

Just a man who loves God, women, kids, dogs, movies, and every other lovely thing in life :)
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