Four years ago, I fell into a conversation with a friend that led to the creation of my ideal harem. Originally presented as a joke, it then became an exercise to see if I could find a small group of women that would hit the widest degree of variety possible… and from that conversation came one of my most-visited blog posts.
I’d been considering updating the roster, lately, and seeing as I dedicated this month to my interest in women — now was the perfect time. I was thinking that a 4-year span is an odd time-frame for updating something, but then I realized that 2016 is a leap year and laughed. So, I am officially declaring February 29th to be henceforth known as Mark Mushakian’s Harem Day! This is a day for us to reflect upon my harems past and to look to the future four-year group of women!
(Harems, stick-figures trapped in boxes that nobody cares about… I run a very strange blog.)
The rules from my previous harem-creation remain in place:
- No time-traveling — I can only select women at their current age
- Seven women chosen, one for every day of the week (that was the original pitch when my friend tried to sell me on the idea)
- This is more than simply a “hottest babe” list; I’m going to have to live with these women for years, after all. Still, though, let’s not forget… this IS a harem ;).
With one new addition:
- No repeats. It’s bad enough that these women have to endure four years of haremdom under me (not literally [but, admittedly, also literally]), but once they’ve served their time, that’s it.
This new rule changes the game a little, because while in the original harem my focus was one of diversity, I’ve now added a complication of age and timing as well. The first time I chose younger women on purpose, so as to allow myself the longest amount of time before they’re elderly, but now that there is a time-limit of four years on each harem group, I had to also account for the fact that if I didn’t add someone to the harem THIS time, she might not make it in four years. So, how did I fare in this year’s selection? Was it age over diversity? Let’s find out…
The 2016 Harem
1. Marion Cotillard (my sexy French woman)
Marion was actually the one who first got me thinking of updating my list, so don’t go assuming that I was merely interested in trading in for a newer/younger model for each selection. Not that Ms. Cotillard is old, by any stretch of the imagination. I remember watching her in Two Days, One Night (pictured above), which is a great little movie in its own right, but the fact that she could look so “bad” in throughout that whole picture and still be so incredibly beautiful is very fantastically French of her.
2. Barbara Palvin (my young, fun model)
She has a fascinating ability to go from “just so stinkin'” cute to “my-jaw-dropped” hot, and her youthful vigor would be quite welcome. She’s Hungarian, too, which adds a welcome spice to the group.
3. Alice Eve (my curvy blonde)
Physically, Alice is an obvious choice: body, eyes, body, accent. She’s also exceptionally charming and bright, though, and as is evident in this interview with the great Craig Ferguson, having a conversation with her would be quite splendid.. for every reason.
Her inclusion on this list was finally pushed over the edge, ahead of her peers, by the bonus points awarded for having heterochromia (different colored eyes).
4. Rosemarie DeWitt (my charming “Pam”)
“Pam” being a reference to the sigh-inducingly lovable character from The Office. I fell in love with Rosemarie in Rachel Getting Married, and while she is all kinds of foxy, I think she’s the one here I’d most want to come home and tell about my day or curl up watching a movie with. Plus, with her strong nose and overbite, she has that extra bit of charm that I just melt over.
5. Emma Watson (my Emma)
She’s the most-oft posted woman on Random Beauty, by a large stretch, so it’s pretty evident that she belongs here. Actually, she would’ve made it onto my last list, for sure, if it weren’t for my attempt to diversify and my at-the-time fixation on Carey Mulligan. So, yes, I now have two British gal, but I’m okay with that. Very okay. Long-hair, short-hair, I don’t care… Emma Watson is so stunning that she could be nothing but a disembodied head floating on a robotic hover-board and she’d probably still make this list. Hm, that’s a pretty good pick-up line, I should try it sometime…
6. Anne Hathaway (my all-American)
To be fair, I’ve never lived next to a girl who looks like Anne, but even in her growing stardom she’s managed to retain that goofy, girl-next-door quality. Plus, she can certainly belt out a tune, and that definitely gets a woman into my favored graces. Plus, she was Catwoman. Plus, those eyes and those legs.
7. Rachel McAdams (my all-American Canadian)
She looks like the result of averaging the Top 1% of Mark-Mushakian-ideal attractive women. She can be a brunette or blonde with pink streaks and can be stoic or adorable, and we welcome that sort of range here. Seeing as she’s Canadian, that means she’s also insanely friendly, too… and who wouldn’t want that in a harem selection?
So, there we are… my 2016-2020 harem. I STILL didn’t get an Australian in there — had Rose Byrne penciled in, but she was bumped when someone else came to mind. Admittedly, this list is based a little more off of looks than my first one, and I think that’s for two reasons: first, considering the time-limit actually skewed my thought-process towards appearance over diversity, and secondly, I’m four years older than I was when creating the first list, but just as single.. so I might be a little pent-up ;).
Really, though, this year’s harem is brought to you by the letter Eyes… because big ol’ gorgeous peepers are a prominent physical feature of most of the gals on this list. I think it’s interesting to see where my interests are at different ages, though, so I look forward to figuring out who should grace my next harem group on February 29, 2020, but until then… who would be in YOUR harem?