Aaron – 2 – "Barreling Through"

production still from Aaron, alone in restaurant

Feb. 2, 2011:
The above still is from a quick shot we stole tonight.  With production for the web-series, Mild Mannered, coming up soon, I’ve mapped out a schedule for the next few days that should cover enough to allow me to finish up the whole movie with only one more full day of shooting.  After a dead battery, we weren’t able to shoot one of the small scenes I’d planned on for tonight, but it’s okay… these things happen, and we can easily add it onto another night.

Putting this movie together has actually been a very interesting experience.  Obviously, I’m thrilled to finally be putting myself out there after having talked about making movies for so long, and I’m having fun with it, but I’ve had an unexpected responses in the wake of it all.  Making movies is a real high, so there has always been a “coming down” period for me, but they’ve never really been MY movies… always something I was working on with/for a friend.  I can’t say that I EXPECTED some deeper, longer-lasting satisfaction from producing my own work, but I’ve still been a little confused by the fact that I haven’t had it.  Actually, not so much confused by that, really, but as by the idea that I’ve slowly been realizing – I could pretty easily live without doing this.

It’s a very odd place to find myself, because I really enjoy telling stories and I love to perform… but it’s not everything.  Of course, I knew that for some time, before even starting this project, but it’s been kind of funny to face it while now on my OWN movie.  I pondered the strength of it at the end of my long Unbold post, but there is only one Earthly thing I really care about finding… and creative accomplishment isn’t it.

What’s made it so interesting is that, for the first time, this kind of reaction is not because I’ve failed, procrastinated, or because I’m afraid.  Things have actually been going rather smashingly, and I’ve been in a great head-space about it all.  I’m still full-steam on putting this movie together, but it’s kind of like facing a fear… I’ve looked the beast in the eye and taken charge of it, but in finally doing so, the interest and importance it once had in my mind has been deflated.

Interesting, indeed :).  I’ll be shooting Thursday and Friday nights, as well as Saturday morning, so I’ll write about all of those in one post.  Below are some actual stills from the first day of shooting, that you might enjoy taking a gander at.

There won’t be story spoilers, by any means… but it’s a PRODUCTION journal, so I’ll be talking about locations and other details. If you’d rather just see the movie fresh, don’t read on – these posts will always be here later.

production still for Aaron, streets of LA

production still for Aaron, La Crescenta May-Lane Motel room 8 interior

production still for Aaron, close-up

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About Mark Mushakian

Just a man who loves God, women, kids, dogs, movies, and every other lovely thing in life :)
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4 Responses to Aaron – 2 – "Barreling Through"

  1. Nick says:

    I suspect that it's because Aaron is not a challenge, just a first step. You like to be challenged and problem solve to be engaged. And making a movie that needs more than two people and a camera will inevitably stimulate you more.

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    • Mark says:

      (we actually talked about this in person, folks, but.. to get it here, anyway)

      I wrote this kind of quickly, as I was preparing for tonight's shoot and other things, so I wasn't really able to expand on the idea as much as I maybe could've. This was much more a personal thing than in any direct relation to Aaron, this is just where it happened to come up this time… and it's definitely something I'd like to remember experiencing during this production :).

      Also, this wasn't really a negative thing. More a personal reflection… and, as always, a part of my attempt to understand something I don't. It could very well be that this production isn't that big of a creative challenge (more a personal one), but this isn't a new issue for me at all (dissatisfaction, not caring enough about something to want to keep pursuing it, etc.), so that's what I was trying to say… that it was kind of interesting to me that, even though I am actually finally doing something I've talked about for a long time, and even though I'm happy with the progress and results, I don't really care about that at the end of the day.

      It's kind of like Al Pacino's character in Heat.. where he is "only what he's going after" all the while his personal life is empty and messed up. Obviously, it's not EXACTLY the same, but I thought it kind of relates. I focus really hard on projects and try to keep myself busy and active… and I can enjoy those things (most of the time), but as soon as they're over – so is the enjoyment. In that case, it's more about distraction than creative challenge. It's kind of like a druggie needing a fix 😉 The addiction fills the void of something… and that's all I was talking about with this post. It wasn't that it's never happened before, but that I was SLIGHTLY surprised to see that even producing my own movie didn't seem to kick it to the curb. I mentioned the allusion to it all being rooted in the fact that I'm lonely, for a very good reason… because, if movies can't "fix" it – what else will? 🙂 I don't know.. I'm as screwed up as anyone. We'll get there eventually, though… I hope ;).

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  2. danny says:

    ok, but at the same time, you are playing a lonely character who has a depressing job and life. i wonder how much this character is affecting your overall mindset/view of this production?

    the good news: you are making your own movie, which has been a dream.

    the bad news: i'm not sure how you reach your ultimate goal without first taking all the necessary steps to becoming independent and maintaining said independence – that is to say doing what it takes, (like aaron), to live on your own, work at a job, pay the rent, put food on the table, and ultimately meet someone and care for a family. this completed film will be a great first step toward building something, but at the end of the day, how has it changed your life and moved you closer to your goal?

    i don't know.. i'm concerned about your post..

    Like

    • Mark says:

      It could be the character and tone, but if it is… I sure don't feel it. Ironically, this short started as something to showcase performance, but I haven't been TOO in tune with the character. With Get Back, I was with the character for so long, and so deeply, that I felt him affecting me much more-so than Aaron.. but Paul was also a much more brooding, emotional, and dynamic character – so it was easy to recognize.

      I think you hit on the head, though, in how you put it, "…at the end of the day, how has it changed your life and moved you closer to your goal?" That's kind of what I was attempting to say.. because, for so long, a return to making my own movies has been a "goal", but it's, ultimately, not one that I can really care about very much in the face of other things I'm lacking. I've openly talked about that before as a factor in why it was so hard for me to get excited about pursuing the business of movies (beyond the fears and other hesitations).

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