Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Transformers Revenge of the Fallen Julie White and family

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Time/place: 3:10 showing at Ocean Ranch 7 (w/Nick)

Haha, oh, Michael Bay.  I was very tempted to simply leave the review at just that – but I won’t ;-).  I am not a fan of the first Transformers movie.  There isn’t a single redeeming thing about it, beyond an attractive blonde, so it’s not that I came into this one as a fan.  I’ve heard nothing but bad things about this sequel, though to be quite honest, I don’t know why.  Sure, for some critic who was harsh on the first movie, the sequel offers no improvements, but for those who were fans of Transformers, I simply can’t comprehend WHY Revenge of the Fallen is worse in your eyes.  Actually, I think it’s better.

Don’t get me wrong, I think both Transformer movies are really horrible (really, REALLY horrible), but I can’t figure out why there is such a strong dislike for the sequel amongst the general public.  The plot is inane and the dialogue is horrible (just like the original), the character design and how the giant robots are shot makes it near impossible to figure out what is going on (just like the original), and it has the usual Michael Bay-esque styling of a world that does not resemble anything like ours (just like the original).  The differences are negligible, so in the end this is still the same kind of movie Bay gave us the first time around.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is made for young teenage boys.  Michael Bay know his audience, and has even admitted as much.  Megan Fox spends the last 20 minutes of the movie running in slow motion.  There is some other random hot female character walking the halls of a college campus earlier in the movie who seems to constantly be in slow motion – with the added bonus of wind blowing through her hair as she walks through interior hallways.  The college campus I just mentioned is filled with an impossible number of models posing as students.  Anything that can explode will… along with things that can’t.  Giant robots will twirl around the screen delivering “awesome” one-liners. To top the entire movie off, the humor is just as juvenile as before – much worse, actually.  This is a movie aimed at striking a chord in the pants of every excitable young boy in the world: hot chicks, explosions, awesomeness – and all in slow motion!

With Revenge of the Fallen, though, I think there was at least one improvement over the original – giant robots beating the crap out of each other!  There were some fights in the first movie, but something about the action this time felt so much more enjoyable.  Sure, I couldn’t really see what was going on very well, but this time around the robots were actually brawling with each other.  I felt a little boy inside of me say, “cool” during a few of these battles.  If you’re going to make a bad movie (which both Transformer movies are), the least you can do is have the giant robot fights be fairly decent.  The huge irony of it all is that the climactic fight between the good and bad machines is the worst of them all.

So, what did I enjoy?  Well, there were MANY laughs had (though 99% of the time it was at something never intended to be funny), but my favorite part of the movie was Julie White as Shia LaBeouf’s mom.  She was freaking adorable, and she was entertaining with her humorous but realistic portrayal of a mom.  I’m in love :-).  Sure, the character had a silly moment that made no sense (what is this, Reefer Madness?), but the actress is a talented one, and she brought a lovable charm to the character.  Her son, Shia himself, also had some good moments for the same reason – he’s a good actor who was able to bring a charm to his character.  How about Megan Fox?  Hahaha.  You see, my two favorite parts of this movie are actors… who played characters… because that’s what matters ;-).  That is something Michael Bay doesn’t quite understand, but I can’t be too hard on him.

Michael Bay started with commercials.  He’s good at that.  He has a talent for telling a story in a short form through visuals.  Heck, he’s the guy who made that original Aaron Burr Got Milk commercial.  He has skill, but not as a director of feature-length movies.  He reminds me of George Lucas in that way.  They are men who aren’t designed to work with actors in long, narrative works.  Likewise, Bay reminds me of Steven Spielberg in that they both are willing to cheat logic and sense in their movies for the sake of entertainment.  So, what happens when a movie director doesn’t care about logic or directing actors?  Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen happens.

Things blow up, people blow up, robots blow up, hot chicks pose, and it all happens in slow motion.  Thus is the magic, and all you really need to know, about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

Transformers Revenge of the Fallen Witwickys

Grade: F

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About Mark Mushakian

Just a man who loves God, women, kids, dogs, movies, and every other lovely thing in life :)
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