Warning: The following blog entry has been labeled FG for being Frightening and possibly very Gross.
My hair is long. I have a beard. I have a bird I like to hold (if you get the Dr. Seuss reference, I’ll give you a hug next time I see you). Because more of the surface area of my face is covered by my big beard, my face has become sweatier and greasier than normal, and because my hair is long, I have a lock of collective strands that continually fall onto my face. Put all of this together, and you have a recent propensity for pimples. However, a few days ago I noticed a large one forming on my left cheek. Like with Hitler’s slow accumulation of power – I had no idea what to expect until it was too late.
This thing was getting bigger, but it wasn’t until I was washing my hands last night that I discovered what had come of it. I had to take a deep close look at the mirror, to double-check what I was seeing. It was large, yes – but it had 3 white heads on the one pimple. THREE! I thought I might be able to just pop the problem, to just stop Germany where it was, but I hadn’t realized that it was already in cahoots with Italy and Japan. I had the freaking Axis of Pimples on my face!
After carefully examining the situation, I decided to dive right in. Italy gave in pretty quickly, but Germany and Japan put up a fight. After I continued to battle the Axis of Pimples, the German whitehead finally gave way – but what it revealed was even worse. There was only one of the original three left.. but in their stead was a new threat. A larger, much more dangerous opponent. There was another one BEHIND the others.
Time has passed, and Japan has receded. Now I’m just waiting. The Russian pimple is lying dormant – quiet and large… the great threat of its power ever looming. We have entered a cold war – and all I can do is wait and hope for a non-violent outcome.
Wow. Did I just write an entire blog about pimples while referencing World War 2? Maybe my friends are right – I really do need a girlfriend.