“Like, OMG, where has Mark been?”
Well, I tell ya, kids – I’ve been right here. Right here doing nothing. Well, not exactly nothing – but not much. I finished my summer semester over a month ago, and yet, with all of my new-found free time, I haven’t really done much for this site. At first I was just tired. I was mentally exhausted from the compact summer session (when you haven’t taken a math class in 8+ years, it’s tough enough, let alone in a short semester), so I spent the first week relaxing. But, what have I done since then?
I worked on a couple of projects for a little while, but a couple of weeks ago, I had a bad night. I’m going through The Office on DVD (every Thursday night, best night of the week!) for the first time, and that night I watched the season two finale. It was very beautiful, very exciting, very heart-breaking… it was wonderful. But it wasn’t love that got me down – it was companionship. While watching the blooper reel on the DVD, I became a little envious of that situation – and rather sad. This group of people were doing what they loved, and having fun in this little community of creativity. When I was younger I had a group of friends that I made movies with. We would get together on weekends, and make inane little shorts – just goofing around, really – but we had fun. Now, however, though I have an absolutely great time with the couple of friends I have (don’t think this reflects negatively on you 😉 ) I regret that I don’t have this large group anymore. I have so many ideas for this site and beyond (movies, comics, animation, etc), but I’m doing it alone, and that just doesn’t work. Haha, but now, let’s pause for a moment of levity, because I don’t want this post to make you feel sorry for me..
Ok, so as I was saying – I’m going at this site pretty much alone. As was mentioned, I have a couple of friends, but overall, it’s just me. If I have a random idea for a short movie, I don’t have a small group of friends that I can call up and get together with to make it. The same goes with my other small project ideas I have for this site – it’s tough because I’m doing it by myself, and that limits what I can do. I slowly lost my motivation to work on things, until I was just sitting here playing Sim City 4 (though, let’s not knock it – I LOVE that game) and not much else.
Also, I’ve realized that my intended field of Computer Science and Information probably isn’t what I really want. I tried it, and it’s very interesting, but it’s not my passion. I’m still pursuing the degree, until or unless I can find what I’d rather do, because even if it wouldn’t be a career – it’ll at least be a good paying job. So these have been some rough times, looking at life and its current uncertainties and dissatisfaction. Yea, though, I am not a wreck. These aren’t the days of years past, I’m still surviving fine, but it all definitely took its toll on my motivation levels. Yesterday, though, I had a nice long chat with an old friend, and it was one of those things that God gives us when we need it – something small and simple that reminds us of bigger things. I can never proclaim to know everything, or to be guaranteed where my life is going to go. I can say that I’ve definitely grown up tenfold over the past few years, but life is always a growing experience. So this is just another step in the journey. I can’t end this blog by saying I found the answer or solution to either of these issues, because I didn’t, but I’m going through them and learning all the while and getting stronger because of them.
So, hopefully, I can start bringing you more content – but I can’t really guarantee it. This site is much more than entertainment, though… it’s MarkMushakian.com for a reason – because that’s me. It’s a personal site, and I hope I can not only continue to be personal with my blogs, but to treat them more as an open diary – and to share these things as they happen instead of disappearing for a month. I hope to see you soon! 🙂